I stood in church, mouthing the words to a song, tears sliding down my cheeks. Well-versed in the covert methods of crying, I casually wiped away the irritating wetness that would reveal my breakdown the second the lights came up and we were instructed to greet those around us.
As if that part of the service isn't awkward enough.
I whispered to my husband that I'd be right back. He noticed my watery-state and asked what was wrong, but rather than explain, I told him I needed to go to the bathroom. That's exactly what I did. I glared at my flushed face in the mirror, thinking as loudly as one can without spitting out the words: Pull yourself together, lady!
Sometimes, I'm a little emotional.
Sometimes might be an understatement. The truth is, I'm sensitive and I have a lot of emotions. My reactions are strong and sudden and they are everything I am - but I try really hard to keep them under wraps, in case they are just too much for other people to handle.
Too messy, too loud, too annoying, too crazy, too much.
Many moms are more emotional since having kids. Something about watching pieces of our hearts grow and learn and turn into little people, bring on the flood of feelings. (Well, that and hormones.) Either way, moms can be kind of mushy. And yet, even though we're not alone, we're often embarrassed and feel bad that we aren't stronger; that we can't just "get it together."
Friends, that's a lie we tell ourselves. God isn't disappointed when we cry, and he knows how strong we can be when we lean on him - and on each other. He's not embarrassed by our tears. As a matter of fact, Jesus cried.
God doesn't want us to stuff our feelings down or hide them from others; ashamed of feeling too deeply. Instead, he urges us to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15), to bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:1) and to comfort one another (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
Don't be afraid of or embarrassed by your emotions or your tears. God isn't. He actually promises to save each one in a bottle (Psalm 56:8), and one day wipe them all away (Revelation 21:4).